He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize