its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
