matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
