he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
