why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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