But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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