she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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