so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
