did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I could make wine with my vomit
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
