If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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