Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
