i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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