we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
