We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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