I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I touched a dick in church today
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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