I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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