I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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