my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
