walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
