The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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