Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
