How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
