bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
