Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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