ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
