I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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