Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize