It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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