she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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