Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
