I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Shame is for Republicans.
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