HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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