White coat. Heels.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
