she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
sarcasm needs its own font
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
