sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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