Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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