you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
