i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
