i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
