Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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