I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
