You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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