It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
