All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
