maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
