I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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