Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
