Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
