I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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