And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
