3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
