You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
