I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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