Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
