Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just had sex on a roof
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
