He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
