i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry my hands just texted you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
