We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
