I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
