Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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