I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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