THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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