After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
