Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
