my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
