Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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