how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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