Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
